There Once Was a Student Named Fluke . . .

March 21, 2012

A Georgetown law student named Fluke,
Who insists that she isn't a slut,
Nonetheless spends three grand
So that her one-night stands
Won't make babies those libs hate so much.
- Anonymous

I understand that Sandra Fluke (trying to remember what her name rhymes with . . . it'll come to me) has risen rapidly up the charts of the attorneys who scout law schools for likely candidates in the upcoming Department Of Justice annual lawyer draft. It's similar to the National Football League's player draft, but potential DOJ draftees don't have to go through a combine that measures their skills and strengths as college football players do. All they have to do to attract the attention of Eric Holder's DOJ scouts is make outrageous statements about how U.S. taxpayers should pay exorbitant fees for contraception for America's most privileged collegians.

Holder has rigorous standards for hiring lawyers. If you want to work for the current Attorney General, you've got to be a committed racist or someone who's provided pro bono legal services for terrorists or other enemies of the United States or someone who's willing to obfuscate and lie in support of actions that fly in the face of the U.S. Constitution. Satisfying more than one of these standards moves you up the charts rapidly, almost guaranteeing that you'll be a first-round DOJ selection and will be able to get your career off to a prestigious start.

One of the first questions we have to ask about Ms. Fluke's assertions about who should pay for her pleasure is this: "Don't student loans pay for these kinds of things?" Ms. Fluke could pay for her birth control pills or contraceptive devices out of her student loan money, then default on the loan after she's hired by the DOJ. Under the new Obama student loan standards, taxpayers are required to pick up the tab if students default on their college loans, so who cares when the taxpayers are hit up for Fluke's dalliances. Pay Obama now or pay him later.

Also, if she took Bill Clinton's lead, she'd understand that oral sex isn't really sex at all. (Ah, now that the image of Monica Lewinsky's blue dress has popped unwelcome into my head, I remember what the pronunciation of Ms. Fluke's name rhymes with.) If Fluke followed the Clinton/Lewinsky example, her contraception costs would go down dramatically, no pun intended. Of course, her chances of landing a position in Holder's DOJ would also go down . . . again, no pun intended.

The left has made a habit of defining degeneracy downward and a practice of insuring that U.S. citizens underwrite the costs of the resulting immoral behavior. That doesn't seem to be likely to change as long as the Flukes of the world command perverse media attention and/or until we get the current renegade administration out of power. As of now, for all practical purposes the two are synonymous.